Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Strawberry Shortcake, Three Berry Pie and Nudity

Ok, so living with my mother is not as horrible as one might imagine. But as always there are pros and cons...
Pro: I have the basement completely to myself (somehow living in the basement makes it seem kind of I'm some forty year old dude looking up kiddy porn in my moms basement...eww, I digress)
Pro: I get to save alot of money (saving money always good).
Con: no privacy (some how knowing that your mom is upstairs makes everything feel weird).
Pro: a big backyard great for tanning (a daquiri,a joint, a book, and the sun...heaven!).
Con: the constant supply of food. Now this one may seem like it should be a Pro. But trust me it isnt. When you are a poor college kid eating once a day and studying all night (though that is completely unhealthy)...your bod's pretty rockin! When you are somebody who lives with your mom...its a daily struggle of dodging three large home cooked meals. And to make matters worse, my mom loves to bake extravagant, fatty things. For example, the other day, after I had just smoked a joint, my mom comes to me with homemade strawberry shortcake....hello, delicious! Then yesterday she told me that she was going to make a three berry pie...mouthwatering. At this rate, by the time my 90 days are up nobody is going to want to have sex with me! I'm a single woman now, I gotta keep the package tight!(Not that I would ever date a man who only cared about what I looked like, its just fun to make people swoon!)

Unfortunately there is one more Con. The decision concerning my living situation was set in stone the other night. Picture this...its late at are down in your mom's basement enjoying a book...then all of the sudden you are struck with an extreme dehydration, you need water travel up the stairs...its eerily quiet in the house...the horror movie music flares up in the background as you reach the top of the stairs because there, wandering around the living room is your NAKED MOTHER!!! Ladies and gentlemen, I saw my future...and it was not cool. Time to move out I'd say.

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